A rainy day at the park - a lesson in vulnerability

I grew up in a suburb of Richmond, VA. We had all four seasons, a lot of Baptist churches, and the food was always made with extra love. 

One of my favorite activities growing up was going to Deep Run Park. Grandmac usually took me, sometimes just the two of us, and sometimes my brother or a cousin or two would join (pictured). We had picnics, played out Grandmac’s stories on the playground (Three Billy Goats Gruff was our favorite game), and played by the creek back in the woods of the park. Grandmac showed me how dried leaves made perfect little boats, and we would pick out our own boat leaves and have a race. She got down in the water with us and helped us build dams out of rocks and sand, and we would often check on how well the dams would hold up. 

When I was four, on a particularly rainy autumn day, Grandmac came over to play. She had an extra glimmer in those playful eyes of hers; I could tell she was up to something. She pulled out a new raincoat and boots for me and, with laughter behind her voice, said, “Let’s go for a drive!” Oh boy! Did I ever love going for drives with Grandmac by myself! It was always an adventure! 

Off we went, and we ended up at Deep Run Park. “We’ve got to see how our dam is holding up, don’t we?” Grandmac said as we drove up. My four-year-old self was filled with excitement as Grandmac and I trudged our way through the muddy forest to the place we built our little dam. Grandmac was excited too! Nothing was slowing her down - imagine a 77 year-old stomping her way through rain and sludge! 

Now, I cannot for the life of me remember if we were on our way in or on our way out that the memorable part of this escapade happened. Grandmac, in all of her excitement, got her foot stuck in the mud and came down face first into the mud! My little heart switched from excited to anxious as I watched the woman who was big and strong go tumbling down into the mud. I’d never seen a grown up fall down, let alone when we were alone out in the woods! Now, all of these thoughts whirred around my overthinking little mind for all of a few seconds, while Grandmac stood right up, wiped her glasses off with fingers like windshield wipers, and belly laughed bigger than I’d ever heard! I didn't laugh, though; I bawled.

In those moments before she got up and laughed, I realized that grown ups are vulnerable too. I didn’t like that feeling at all. It felt frightening, and I felt helpless. You see, friends, we all have these emotional milestones as we grow up. We mature, taking for granted the realizations we have along the way, not realizing just how important they are in who we are becoming.  

That moment in the muddy forest, drenched in rain, watching in slow motion as Grandmac toppled over like a tree, and the moments as I waited to make sure she was okay - 24 years later, I can put myself in those moments like they were yesterday. I feel the same way when I watch my mom cry, when my dad opens the freezer and things fall on his toes, when I have a friend who is hurt or sick, when my friend struggles with crippling anxiety. Watching moments of vulnerability helped instill a sense of empathy in me as a young child. From that moment in the woods, I realized I was able to feel things with my loved ones. 

Empathy and vulnerability are complicated feelings. What would life be without them? Yet do we like feeling them? I don't like seeing my loved ones vulnerable, and I don't like when I'm vulnerable. I don't like when I'm hurting with my friends, and I don't like when they hurt with me. However, that kind of ache is the territory of loving people. I love deeply, so I empathize deeply, and while it causes a lot of pain, it also brings my heart a great deal of joy because it is so filled with the love of others. You see, if Grandmac didn't fill my little life with all that joy and love, I likely wouldn't have felt such pain when I saw her fall. Life without love sounds painless, but it also sounds joyless. Tell me, when did you first notice a sense of empathy? Was it a notable moment for you? 

Now, this story ended happily - Grandmac got up and laughed, wiped herself off, and plowed back to the car with me, chuckling about how she's going to tell everyone about it. Thank goodness that's how the story went! Grandmac even went home and wrote a poem about it - which I will have to find and post here someday. Grandmac and Lynwood's rainy day adventure was certainly a memorable one, whether or not I had an emotional epiphany. I'm thankful for the joy and fun my Grandmac brought to me, and I'm thankful for the little moments like this one that helped make me who I am today.  

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3